Somewhere in the first year, I learned that my ideal of marriage and the reality were two different concepts. I grew up in a two-parent family (not all peaches and cream) and I saw the dynamics of my parent's marriage that I did not want in my own.
I made that very clear to my husband when he and I dated. We agreed that we would keep the lines of communication open and talk through (opposed to yelling) our disagreements. For the most part, we did that and maintained a loving, supportive marriage.
Until one day (it seemed like one day to the next), my husband was withdrawn and quiet; off in his own world. I knew he needed time to process almost everything (lol), so I thought nothing of it and let him have his space. Then, there was day two...
Day three...
Day ? Okay, I stopped counting.
When he finally came out of his shell (really a short stint of depression, but we'll talk about that in another post), I explained to him the neglect that I felt. I was careful to not accuse him of intentionally hurting me (I did not want to point the figure), but I needed him to know that I went through some of those days feeling like I had no one to turn to, no support; I was filled with loneliness.
He was physically present, but emotionally removed. It left me in a state of uncertainty. Some of those nights, I hugged and cried myself to sleep (I shed tears now thinking about that time). I could not understand what happened to our open lines of communication and it left me questioning what I had done wrong (the truth was, I hadn't done anything).
I didn't want to talk to any of my friends or family for fear of judgment. I kept my pain hidden throughout the day, until I could cry silently. I kept asking God to protect my heart and fill me with understanding; not giving life to the resentment I felt toward myself or my husband. God did what I asked.
When Paul and I got to the other side of that emotional separation, we were better individually and as a couple. It took some time and plenty of conversations.
We were patient and understanding with each other.
If this is you, I recommend you talk to someone to process your feelings. The longer you feel a void in your marriage or feel lonely there is more potential for a negative outcome.
Take the steps NOW to...
be happy. be healthy. be whole.