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Wife Affirmation Wednesday

What does this mean to you?


I can think of more examples than I would like to share about times when I have been unhappy in my marriage and blamed my husband for the feelings I felt. I thought for sure there was a direct correlation to what he would say or did and how I felt.

Then, one day we were having a discussion, a rather heated one, and he said to me, "you can't make me responsible for your happiness." I was blown by this statement until I sat down to think about what I heard him say. He was right! While I was happy to be with him, happy to be married, happy for the way he loved me. I still had the choice to be happy in spite of the challenging moments.

When you recognize your responsibility in your emotions, you allow yourself to make a choice in how you will respond to various situations around you. I guarantee your husband wants you to be happy, but if you are unhappy with any part of yourself, no matter what he does...you will still be unhappy. Today, make a new choice....HAPPINESS

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YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

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YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with women (myself included) about having this feeling about not being able to ask for help when we are overwhelmed and taken on too much in our home, work and community lives.

YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

I get it. You were absolutely made for greatness! And, in order to get there, you need the support of multiple people:

  • spouse
  • friends
  • siblings
  • mentor
  • coach
  • co-workers

These are just a few people that can help you along the way, offering their assistance or their expertise. 

Guess what?

They want to help you. They want to see you succeed and reach your goals.

YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

Time out for living a life that has you stressed and depleted because your hands are on ten things at once.

TODAY...

call one person and ask them to do something to support you in your personal or professional life.

Comment below and let me know how you asked for help and how that made you feel.

YES! YOU can ASK for HELP.

It's your path to...

be happy. be healthy. be whole.

 

 

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lonely, but not alone

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lonely, but not alone

Somewhere in the first year, I learned that my ideal of marriage and the reality were two different concepts. I grew up in a two-parent family (not all peaches and cream) and I saw the dynamics of my parent's marriage that I did not want in my own.

I made that very clear to my husband when he and I dated. We agreed that we would keep the lines of communication open and talk through (opposed to yelling) our disagreements. For the most part, we did that and maintained a loving, supportive marriage.

Until one day (it seemed like one day to the next), my husband was withdrawn and quiet; off in his own world. I knew he needed time to process almost everything (lol), so I thought nothing of it and let him have his space. Then, there was day two...

Day three...

Day ? Okay, I stopped counting.

When he finally came out of his shell (really a short stint of depression, but we'll talk about that in another post), I explained to him the neglect that I felt. I was careful to not accuse him of intentionally hurting me (I did not want to point the figure), but I needed him to know that I went through some of those days feeling like I had no one to turn to, no support; I was filled with loneliness.

He was physically present, but emotionally removed. It left me in a state of uncertainty. Some of those nights, I hugged and cried myself to sleep (I shed tears now thinking about that time). I could not understand what happened to our open lines of communication and it left me questioning what I had done wrong (the truth was, I hadn't done anything). 

I didn't want to talk to any of my friends or family for fear of judgment. I kept my pain hidden throughout the day, until I could cry silently. I kept asking God to protect my heart and fill me with understanding; not giving life to the resentment I felt toward myself or my husband. God did what I asked. 

When Paul and I got to the other side of that emotional separation, we were better individually and as a couple. It took some time and plenty of conversations. 

We were patient and understanding with each other.

If this is you, I recommend you talk to someone to process your feelings. The longer you feel a void in your marriage or feel lonely there is more potential for a negative outcome.

Take the steps NOW to...

be happy. be healthy. be whole.

 

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prioritize your roles

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prioritize your roles

wife, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, boss, friend, advocate, daughter...

These are the roles that compete for your attention on a daily basis that has the potential to drain the life out of you (if you allow them to and most of us do).

On any given day, I have worked to be the best of all of the above...failing miserably at most of them. It's not feasible to be everything to everybody and still take care of yourself. The sooner we realize this and take action to make changes, the better we will be.

In a recent conversation with entrepreneur, Katherine Darnstadt, she shared with me her philosophy on her roles. First of all, she only focuses on three:

  1. Wife
  2. Mom
  3. Entrepreneur

She has committed to herself that it's a good day when she can successfully do two out of the three and not feel apologetic about missing the boat on the third. She said this is how she is able to find balance and not get bogged down by competing roles.

What roles are your prioritizing today to help you...?

be happy. be healthy. be whole.

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my fibroid story.

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my fibroid story.

Even before I was married, I had been diagnosed with having fibroid tumors the size of a 4 month fetus. The fibroids did not cause any major discomfort for me, other than being able to feel them when I pressed down on my stomach.

Only a few days before my wedding in June 2011, I sat in my doctor's office with my soon-to-be husband and listened to her tell us that she wanted me to have surgery, ASAP. While I was not a fan of the idea, my doctor assured me this was the better option considering my husband and I wanted to have children. She sent us on our way and instructed us to not weigh our options until after our wedding and honeymoon.

Fast forward to August 2011 and I am sitting in her office again, but this time, she's telling me that I am pregnant. Not at all what I was expecting, especially considering many women tell stories of how having fibroids have made it difficult for them to get pregnant or prevented pregnancy altogether.

The fibroids made me look 9 months pregnant at 5 months. They caused me a great deal of pain and discomfort during my pregnancy, so much so that my walking was slowed to a turtle's pace. There were also times, primarily when I was pregnant when having sex was difficult and uncomfortable.  Those tumors did not stop my life, but they definitely made me curse them for being inside of my body. 

Almost a year to the date, after giving birth to my daughter, I opted to have a myomectomy to get the fibroids removed. When I saw what was inside of me (pictured above), I was in shock! I had carried my baby to full term (and beyond) AND those fibroids. It's no wonder why my body went through so much during my pregnancy. Although the fibroids did not grow throughout my pregnancy, I stand firm that my daughter is so feisty because she was pushing them out of the way, claiming her space (y'all don't understand, the girl is strong).

Today, I am not fibroid free (my doctor left the smaller ones in that were hard to get to). However, I am grateful that I was blessed to have the opportunity to birth a child and carry her full term. It was not easy, but my little butterfly was worth the pain.

If you have fibroids, you are not alone and they don't have to scare you. Be sure to talk to your doctor about your options and explore the remedies that rid fibroids based on your diet and exercise.

There is a fibroid epidemic and women of color are primarily impacted. What's your fibroid story? Do you know anyone who has/had fibroids? Do/did you have fibroids?

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