my fibroid story.

Even before I was married, I had been diagnosed with having fibroid tumors the size of a 4 month fetus. The fibroids did not cause any major discomfort for me, other than being able to feel them when I pressed down on my stomach.

Only a few days before my wedding in June 2011, I sat in my doctor's office with my soon-to-be husband and listened to her tell us that she wanted me to have surgery, ASAP. While I was not a fan of the idea, my doctor assured me this was the better option considering my husband and I wanted to have children. She sent us on our way and instructed us to not weigh our options until after our wedding and honeymoon.

Fast forward to August 2011 and I am sitting in her office again, but this time, she's telling me that I am pregnant. Not at all what I was expecting, especially considering many women tell stories of how having fibroids have made it difficult for them to get pregnant or prevented pregnancy altogether.

The fibroids made me look 9 months pregnant at 5 months. They caused me a great deal of pain and discomfort during my pregnancy, so much so that my walking was slowed to a turtle's pace. There were also times, primarily when I was pregnant when having sex was difficult and uncomfortable.  Those tumors did not stop my life, but they definitely made me curse them for being inside of my body. 

Almost a year to the date, after giving birth to my daughter, I opted to have a myomectomy to get the fibroids removed. When I saw what was inside of me (pictured above), I was in shock! I had carried my baby to full term (and beyond) AND those fibroids. It's no wonder why my body went through so much during my pregnancy. Although the fibroids did not grow throughout my pregnancy, I stand firm that my daughter is so feisty because she was pushing them out of the way, claiming her space (y'all don't understand, the girl is strong).

Today, I am not fibroid free (my doctor left the smaller ones in that were hard to get to). However, I am grateful that I was blessed to have the opportunity to birth a child and carry her full term. It was not easy, but my little butterfly was worth the pain.

If you have fibroids, you are not alone and they don't have to scare you. Be sure to talk to your doctor about your options and explore the remedies that rid fibroids based on your diet and exercise.

There is a fibroid epidemic and women of color are primarily impacted. What's your fibroid story? Do you know anyone who has/had fibroids? Do/did you have fibroids?

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

Every Wednesday, I post a Wife Affirmation for you to consider.

Let me know your thoughts using #CircleofWives on social media or in the comments below.

drop the baggage

Back in August 2015 at the first Circle of Wives retreat we dissected the words to Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady."

We talked about how some of us carry around jealousy, hurt feelings, anger and distrust to name a few toxic emotions that tend to linger in our marriages. You may recognize some of these characteristics in your own life.

This is the baggage referenced in the song; weighing you down, preventing you from being able to fully give yourself to your husband. You know it and he knows that something is holding you back. 

You thought marriage was the answer to eliminating those feelings, but really they were intensified. You may not be able to release the baggage on your own, but it is imperative that you release it.

Seek therapy. 

Share with your husband.

Journal.

Talk with a close friend.

Do one or all of the above to begin your healing process so you can be 100% present in your marriage.

What baggage do you need to release today?

does he know that you are thankful?

This past weekend I worked on decorating my gratitude jar (courtesy of Sandria Washington) and it got me to thinking...

Wouldn't it be cool for wives to create a gratitude jar for their husbands? Writing out why they are thankful for them over a 30 day period. 

The basic concept is this...

1. Buy or locate a jar that you can stuff with your gratitude notes.
2. Decorate the jar to motivate and inspire you to stay consistent.
3. Use post-its, note cards, or strips of paper to write down why you are grateful for your husband on that particular day.
4. Do this every day for 30 days.
5. Share with your husband after dinner, over a glass of wine.

If 30 days seems too long for you, start small and do it for 7 days. 

Whatever you decide, make the choice to DO IT!

After you have shared your gratitude jars with your husband, let us know what he thought and how this experience impacted you as a wife.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  In the comments section, let me know when you are getting started, so that I can follow up with you.

who taught you to be a wife?

During the first #CircleofWives retreat, I started the discussion with a simple question:

Who taught you to be a wife?

The responses were wide-ranging...

• Mom
• Dad
• Auntie
• TV Shows
• Society

The fact is women learn to be wives from who and what they see around them. The challenge however is that this teaching is not intentional. So, women stumble along the way and some fall in and out of multiple marriages.

Even if you have been married for 20 years, the beginning of the new year is the perfect time to reflect on who taught you to be a wife and list out the things they taught you and how those things impact your marriage today.

If you have a daughter, a niece, a cousin, a mentee...be intentional and talk to her about what it means to be a wife from your perspective. 

Create the opportunity for dialogue and let's work to better prepare women to be wives.

I'd love to hear from you about who taught you to be a wife and what were some of the nuggets they shared with you.

I Sometimes Cry.

I sometimes cry to deal with my pain.

I cry knowing that I miss him. 

I cry watching my daughter grow up without her daddy.

I was driving around, running errands, going about my day not even realizing the emotions that were brewing inside of me. As I passed by things that reminded me of him, I started to cry. Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably and my heart began to beat fast.

I don't know why he was taken away from me with no warning; no time to process what was happening. Without the closure that I seek, my heart is still filled with pain. I talk to God and ask him why; knowing I may never have the reason behind my loss. I also know I have to learn to be okay with that.

The truth is...

I'm not okay (some of the time). However, I am strengthened by my desire to help women appreciate their role as a wife; supporting them in being a better wife. My loss empowered me to give to you.

So, I challenge you on this day, the first day of a new year, the opportunity for new beginnings to love your husband like you've never loved him before.

I challenge you to make a commitment to change YOU, not him.

You will find that when you focus on how you can become a better wife, it will in turn make him a better husband.

I challenge you to take a moment and reflect on your marriage; appreciating the bitter and the sweet. You have to know that TODAY is your opportunity to be the best wife. Tomorrow did not come for me. While, I don't have any regrets, I often wonder if I lived up to my full wife potential (probably not).

Don't let that be your story. Eliminate the need to be right and implement the need to love, unconditionally. Do all that you can do, love as hard as you can love and give all you can give to your spouse. 

This, I believe, is truly what it means to be a wife, having no regrets.