Love Journeys: Remembering the Past to Live in the Present - Entry 2

He lived in LaGrange, IL.

I lived in Chicago, IL.

While it was a straight shot down I55, taking about 25 minutes, I really had no interest in dating someone that lived or wanted to live in the suburbs. While I was still learning many things about myself, I knew that I was a true city girl. 

But, instead of suggesting that we meet at a central location, he offered to pick me up for our first date. Without hesitation, I obliged. Initially, he asked me what I wanted to do, but quickly retracted and said, "I'll take care of it."

We had talked several times on the phone and ended up at a movie screening together, so that first date awkwardness was non-existent. We chatted away like old friends. After, we had been driving for a little bit, I inquired where we were going, noticing we were on that I55 highway. lol.

He smiled. And, kept talking.

Yes, he did. He planned for our date to take place in LaGrange. While I was certain there was absolutely nothing to do in LaGrange, I relaxed and let the day happen.

And, the day did just that...it went on and on and on (in a good way). Twelve hours from the time he picked me up, he was finally dropping me back off at home. I would have never expected that first date would have lasted nearly as long as it did, nor did I think I wanted it to.

We saw a movie. Why Did I Get Married had just come out and of course, I wanted to see it!

We went to Panera and played Mancala (for hours). He indulged me in my love of board games. (I did bring it with me at his request to learn how to play)

We had dessert.

We talked for hours.

It was one of the best first dates I had experienced. At that time, I wasn't sure if anything would happen beyond the first date because Paul was still healing from a divorce and he wanted to be close to his daughter who was moving to Maryland with his ex-wife.

I quickly decided to enjoy the time we spent together without planning out our future.

It turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

What does this mean to you?

What does being a phenomenal wife mean to you? I guarantee that for each wife it will mean something different and that's okay. For one, it may mean being able to support your family emotionally. For another, it may mean self-care in order to be the best wife.

You have control over what being phenomenal looks like for you, but it starts with your understanding of your role as a wife and whether or not you fully embrace this role. 

When you are a phenomenal wife, you open the door for a phenomenal marriage. It is your ability to be extraordinary that will create an environment filled with love, trust and respect. Today, create your definition of being a phenomenal wife and share it on our facebook page or comment below.

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

I will ask my husband's opinion about new endeavors and welcome his insight

What does this mean to you?
Have you ever had a great business idea? Or, declared you wanted to take a couple of weeks to explore another country? You find yourself so excited, but there's one problem. You have mentioned any of this to your husband...                                                                                          

I must admit, I am certainly guilty of this. I had the bright idea to apply for a fellowship that would have me traveling through Europe over a 3 week period. Theoretically, it was a great idea. I thought my husband would be just as happy as I was about the opportunity.                    

When I finally decided to discuss with my husband, he let me have it! In my opinion, he should have. Thinking back, I realized I acted selfishly and did not allow him the opportunity to think through the process with me. Eventually, I was able to get him to see things my way. And after all of that, I was not selected as a finalist for the fellowship. 

How can you be more open to your husband's insight? You can respond in the "comments" section.

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

I am excited to consistently create new goals with my husband

What are some goals you have set with your husband for this month or this year? I would love to hear your comments.

prioritize your roles

wife, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, boss, friend, advocate, daughter...

These are the roles that compete for your attention on a daily basis that has the potential to drain the life out of you (if you allow them to and most of us do).

On any given day, I have worked to be the best of all of the above...failing miserably at most of them. It's not feasible to be everything to everybody and still take care of yourself. The sooner we realize this and take action to make changes, the better we will be.

In a recent conversation with entrepreneur, Katherine Darnstadt, she shared with me her philosophy on her roles. First of all, she only focuses on three:

1. Wife
2. Mom
3. Entrepreneur

She has committed to herself that it's a good day when she can successfully do two out of the three and not feel apologetic about missing the boat on the third. She said this is how she is able to find balance and not get bogged down by competing roles.

What roles are your prioritizing today to help you...?

be happy. be healthy. be whole.

my fibroid story.

Even before I was married, I had been diagnosed with having fibroid tumors the size of a 4 month fetus. The fibroids did not cause any major discomfort for me, other than being able to feel them when I pressed down on my stomach.

Only a few days before my wedding in June 2011, I sat in my doctor's office with my soon-to-be husband and listened to her tell us that she wanted me to have surgery, ASAP. While I was not a fan of the idea, my doctor assured me this was the better option considering my husband and I wanted to have children. She sent us on our way and instructed us to not weigh our options until after our wedding and honeymoon.

Fast forward to August 2011 and I am sitting in her office again, but this time, she's telling me that I am pregnant. Not at all what I was expecting, especially considering many women tell stories of how having fibroids have made it difficult for them to get pregnant or prevented pregnancy altogether.

The fibroids made me look 9 months pregnant at 5 months. They caused me a great deal of pain and discomfort during my pregnancy, so much so that my walking was slowed to a turtle's pace. There were also times, primarily when I was pregnant when having sex was difficult and uncomfortable.  Those tumors did not stop my life, but they definitely made me curse them for being inside of my body. 

Almost a year to the date, after giving birth to my daughter, I opted to have a myomectomy to get the fibroids removed. When I saw what was inside of me (pictured above), I was in shock! I had carried my baby to full term (and beyond) AND those fibroids. It's no wonder why my body went through so much during my pregnancy. Although the fibroids did not grow throughout my pregnancy, I stand firm that my daughter is so feisty because she was pushing them out of the way, claiming her space (y'all don't understand, the girl is strong).

Today, I am not fibroid free (my doctor left the smaller ones in that were hard to get to). However, I am grateful that I was blessed to have the opportunity to birth a child and carry her full term. It was not easy, but my little butterfly was worth the pain.

If you have fibroids, you are not alone and they don't have to scare you. Be sure to talk to your doctor about your options and explore the remedies that rid fibroids based on your diet and exercise.

There is a fibroid epidemic and women of color are primarily impacted. What's your fibroid story? Do you know anyone who has/had fibroids? Do/did you have fibroids?

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

Every Wednesday, I post a Wife Affirmation for you to consider.

Let me know your thoughts using #CircleofWives on social media or in the comments below.

drop the baggage

Back in August 2015 at the first Circle of Wives retreat we dissected the words to Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady."

We talked about how some of us carry around jealousy, hurt feelings, anger and distrust to name a few toxic emotions that tend to linger in our marriages. You may recognize some of these characteristics in your own life.

This is the baggage referenced in the song; weighing you down, preventing you from being able to fully give yourself to your husband. You know it and he knows that something is holding you back. 

You thought marriage was the answer to eliminating those feelings, but really they were intensified. You may not be able to release the baggage on your own, but it is imperative that you release it.

Seek therapy. 

Share with your husband.

Journal.

Talk with a close friend.

Do one or all of the above to begin your healing process so you can be 100% present in your marriage.

What baggage do you need to release today?

does he know that you are thankful?

This past weekend I worked on decorating my gratitude jar (courtesy of Sandria Washington) and it got me to thinking...

Wouldn't it be cool for wives to create a gratitude jar for their husbands? Writing out why they are thankful for them over a 30 day period. 

The basic concept is this...

1. Buy or locate a jar that you can stuff with your gratitude notes.
2. Decorate the jar to motivate and inspire you to stay consistent.
3. Use post-its, note cards, or strips of paper to write down why you are grateful for your husband on that particular day.
4. Do this every day for 30 days.
5. Share with your husband after dinner, over a glass of wine.

If 30 days seems too long for you, start small and do it for 7 days. 

Whatever you decide, make the choice to DO IT!

After you have shared your gratitude jars with your husband, let us know what he thought and how this experience impacted you as a wife.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  In the comments section, let me know when you are getting started, so that I can follow up with you.