Wife Affirmation Wednesday

What does this mean to you?

I can think of more examples than I would like to share about times when I have been unhappy in my marriage and blamed my husband for the feelings I felt. I thought for sure there was a direct correlation to what he would say or did and how I felt.

Then, one day we were having a discussion, a rather heated one, and he said to me, "you can't make me responsible for your happiness." I was blown by this statement until I sat down to think about what I heard him say. He was right! While I was happy to be with him, happy to be married, happy for the way he loved me. I still had the choice to be happy in spite of the challenging moments.

When you recognize your responsibility in your emotions, you allow yourself to make a choice in how you will respond to various situations around you. I guarantee your husband wants you to be happy, but if you are unhappy with any part of yourself, no matter what he does...you will still be unhappy. Today, make a new choice....HAPPINESS

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

What does this mean to you?

What does being a phenomenal wife mean to you? I guarantee that for each wife it will mean something different and that's okay. For one, it may mean being able to support your family emotionally. For another, it may mean self-care in order to be the best wife.

You have control over what being phenomenal looks like for you, but it starts with your understanding of your role as a wife and whether or not you fully embrace this role. 

When you are a phenomenal wife, you open the door for a phenomenal marriage. It is your ability to be extraordinary that will create an environment filled with love, trust and respect. Today, create your definition of being a phenomenal wife and share it on our facebook page or comment below.

Wife Affirmation Wednesday

I will ask my husband's opinion about new endeavors and welcome his insight

What does this mean to you?
Have you ever had a great business idea? Or, declared you wanted to take a couple of weeks to explore another country? You find yourself so excited, but there's one problem. You have mentioned any of this to your husband...                                                                                          

I must admit, I am certainly guilty of this. I had the bright idea to apply for a fellowship that would have me traveling through Europe over a 3 week period. Theoretically, it was a great idea. I thought my husband would be just as happy as I was about the opportunity.                    

When I finally decided to discuss with my husband, he let me have it! In my opinion, he should have. Thinking back, I realized I acted selfishly and did not allow him the opportunity to think through the process with me. Eventually, I was able to get him to see things my way. And after all of that, I was not selected as a finalist for the fellowship. 

How can you be more open to your husband's insight? You can respond in the "comments" section.

lonely, but not alone

Somewhere in the first year, I learned that my ideal of marriage and the reality were two different concepts. I grew up in a two-parent family (not all peaches and cream) and I saw the dynamics of my parent's marriage that I did not want in my own.

I made that very clear to my husband when he and I dated. We agreed that we would keep the lines of communication open and talk through (opposed to yelling) our disagreements. For the most part, we did that and maintained a loving, supportive marriage.

Until one day (it seemed like one day to the next), my husband was withdrawn and quiet; off in his own world. I knew he needed time to process almost everything (lol), so I thought nothing of it and let him have his space. Then, there was day two...

Day three...

Day ? Okay, I stopped counting.

When he finally came out of his shell (really a short stint of depression, but we'll talk about that in another post), I explained to him the neglect that I felt. I was careful to not accuse him of intentionally hurting me (I did not want to point the figure), but I needed him to know that I went through some of those days feeling like I had no one to turn to, no support; I was filled with loneliness.

He was physically present, but emotionally removed. It left me in a state of uncertainty. Some of those nights, I hugged and cried myself to sleep (I shed tears now thinking about that time). I could not understand what happened to our open lines of communication and it left me questioning what I had done wrong (the truth was, I hadn't done anything). 

I didn't want to talk to any of my friends or family for fear of judgment. I kept my pain hidden throughout the day, until I could cry silently. I kept asking God to protect my heart and fill me with understanding; not giving life to the resentment I felt toward myself or my husband. God did what I asked. 

When Paul and I got to the other side of that emotional separation, we were better individually and as a couple. It took some time and plenty of conversations. 

We were patient and understanding with each other.

If this is you, I recommend you talk to someone to process your feelings. The longer you feel a void in your marriage or feel lonely there is more potential for a negative outcome.

Take the steps NOW to...

be happy. be healthy. be whole.

drop the baggage

Back in August 2015 at the first Circle of Wives retreat we dissected the words to Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady."

We talked about how some of us carry around jealousy, hurt feelings, anger and distrust to name a few toxic emotions that tend to linger in our marriages. You may recognize some of these characteristics in your own life.

This is the baggage referenced in the song; weighing you down, preventing you from being able to fully give yourself to your husband. You know it and he knows that something is holding you back. 

You thought marriage was the answer to eliminating those feelings, but really they were intensified. You may not be able to release the baggage on your own, but it is imperative that you release it.

Seek therapy. 

Share with your husband.

Journal.

Talk with a close friend.

Do one or all of the above to begin your healing process so you can be 100% present in your marriage.

What baggage do you need to release today?

does he know that you are thankful?

This past weekend I worked on decorating my gratitude jar (courtesy of Sandria Washington) and it got me to thinking...

Wouldn't it be cool for wives to create a gratitude jar for their husbands? Writing out why they are thankful for them over a 30 day period. 

The basic concept is this...

1. Buy or locate a jar that you can stuff with your gratitude notes.
2. Decorate the jar to motivate and inspire you to stay consistent.
3. Use post-its, note cards, or strips of paper to write down why you are grateful for your husband on that particular day.
4. Do this every day for 30 days.
5. Share with your husband after dinner, over a glass of wine.

If 30 days seems too long for you, start small and do it for 7 days. 

Whatever you decide, make the choice to DO IT!

After you have shared your gratitude jars with your husband, let us know what he thought and how this experience impacted you as a wife.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  In the comments section, let me know when you are getting started, so that I can follow up with you.